I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
