The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
