I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Houston, we have a blender
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
