Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
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