Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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