You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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