My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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