He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize