I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
