If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
