I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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