he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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