We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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