i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
