he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
