Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
