I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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