Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
tell me about the fingering
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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