Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
