4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Your tits are I can't wait for
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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