I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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