She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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