How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
