Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
In other news, I just burned my penis
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
