I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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