there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
