i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
