So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
