I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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