oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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