I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
