im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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