Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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