I feel like I'm in dance class right now
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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