Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
