people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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