thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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