How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
