So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Randomize
