can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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