Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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