Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
