my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize