What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
