Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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