You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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