OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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