i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
