WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize