i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
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