She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
