The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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