would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
