Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
