He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
