I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize