I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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