we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize