i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
