So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
