But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
