you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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