So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
