Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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