I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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