just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
