oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
