I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
