You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize