Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
