i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
