Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
