I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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