You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
