Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize