is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
